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May 25, 2005 01:45 PM PST

It has finally occurred. After months in the making, and many discussions as to the nature of the construction, my hair has been cut and coloured. My hair yesterday was long, floppy, and fuzzy. Today, however, it's sleek and sexy ... and matches the couch!

Hair is a funny thing - aside from the obvious ludicrosity that you see in anything if you stare at it long enough, it really goes a long way to define how people see you as a person. Clothes may make the man, but hair is the icing on the cake ... and perhaps even more.

During the past few weeks I'd given up even trying to do anything with the shaggy mop perched upon my head ... and the results were quite interesting. During the first week I refused to do anything at all with my hair (aside from washing), I received many comments - most seemingly favourable - on my new "haircut". When I informed them it was quite the opposite, I received mainly blank looks.

Today, waltzing in with noticeably shorter (and oranger) hair gleaned me only 3 comments. And the greatest one was the last: "Oooh, I like your pants .... OH! And you got your hair cut!!". I guess that really proves the clothes/man/hair/icing comment from earlier, especially since I was sitting down at the time of the comment, with my legs tucked under a desk!

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May 05, 2005 11:36 AM PST

The Saga of the Irresistable Carrot

It was January and we were still hiding inside much of the time, tucked away from the cold. It was somewhere around this time that I felt a vague discomfort in my nether regions. No, this is not a prelude to a terrible hemorrhoid commercial - this is the beginning of my Quest For a Couch. My faithful green friend, 89 inches long, fitting up to 5 people in a row, and purchased for the low, low cost of only $25usd, was getting old. Yes, the cushions were not as cushy as they once were, and the springs had lost some of their ... well, 'springiness'. I realized then that I must go out and find a replacement for one of my favourite pieces of furniture.

It was a long and arduous search, and there was much despair. Couches were either too expensive and undesirable or very cheap and equally (or moreso) undesirable. There was only one couch that stood out in both looks and price. It was a modern style squarish couch made to order from a 40 year old manufacturer based in Vancouver. The frame would be hardwood and the fabric and colour would be up to me ... and those who know me well should have no problems seeing the obviousness of the result. It was a decision not taken lightly, for it was no mere $25 couch; this one involved some serious finances! Once the decision was made, however, it was solid - a done deal.

Two days after ordering (and paying for) my new couch, we were given our notice of eviction from our basement suite (though not through any fault of ours!). Sheena's new barbeque and my new couch were in jeopardy of becoming useless to us. Our search for a new dwelling seemed easily as long as the one for the couch. It was the same story - nothing just right - until we were about ready to give up (and do what? I dunno). Then, we found a place that seemed to suit. Not absolutely perfect, but pretty damned decent ... and in comparison to some of the places we'd seen, amazing!

So finally the big day came - we moved into our new place on May 01, after having disposed of the old couch by donating it to a friend. The new couch was due to arrive the following morning, and there were sparks in the air! When Monday morning rolled around, I found myself waiting what seemed an interminable time. The delivery company had been asked to come around first thing, but I found out at 09:45 that apparently their schedule called for them to arrive between 11am and 1pm. I filled my time putting together the entertainment unit, trying to remember how I had it hooked up before I had so cavalierly wrenched out the cables prior to moving. By the time the movers arrived at 11:30, I had the whole 'home entertainment' system setup and the living room tidy enough to receive its bold new addition.

I shall gloss over the next 30 minutes, as it was agonizing and even still painful to remember. The long and short of it (cruel punning words, as you will shortly see) was that the couch, a paltry 92 inches long, would not deign to fit itself into the elevator! The movers were rather resistant to the idea of trying the stairs, claiming they had a schedule to keep. I was surprised they were so adamant since I didn't see much else in the back of their truck, but either way I felt they should at least give it a look. Since the movers were already heading back out to the truck with my new couch in tow, I decided to give the store a call ... and use a little passive psychology on these lazy bastards. I explained the situation to my very patient and helpful sales person at the store - just within earshot of the departing movers. I noticed (with some small satisfaction) that the movers all of a sudden coincidentally had a change of heart and were now eager to at least check out the stairway option. Unfortunately after all that, the stairs proved to be another dead end. However, at least we'd tried it.

In something very close to defeat, I called Sheena to let her in on the bad news. After a brief conversation, I decided to stop by our old place where she was doing the last of the clean up. It turned out that it wasn't until I turned up with the hang-dog expression on my face did she truly believe my words on the phone - we really did not have a couch, and there was the very real possibility we'd wasted a whole bunch of money!

Our last hope were specialized movers who could possibly bring the couch in over our 3rd story balconey. At this point I went through the motions because I had no other options, however there was little hope left in me. The new movers were booked for Thursday morning, so we had a few days to wait. I will also gloss over this period of waiting, save to say that I put on a brave, stoic face and quietly wondered what we would do if this final path proved fruitless.

The movers showed up a half hour early and all 3 came up together to inspect the lay of the land. They glanced around quickly and headed confidently back to the truck. I employed a degree of cautious optimism at this point, but was still wary - I'd been hurt before. My fears proved groundless however, as only a few minutes later saw the bright orange ("Irresistable Carrot" it claimed on the fabric swatch), nigh on 8-foot couch come swinging over the balcony railing and into the apartment ... easy as pie!

And that's the end of the story. A happy ending, I am so very happy to say. A story which has been (as they might say on Sesame Street) brought to you by the colour orange (or Irresistable Carrot) and by the noun "couch", and by the suggestion to colour me tickled pink (even at the risk of clashing with the couch). This story was typed out on my laptop, sitting on my lap, while I in turn sit on my wonderful comfy orange couch, relaxed and happy, and with a VERY relaxed looking pretty girl snoozing happily - and comfortably - next to me.


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