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February 27, 2004 08:43 PM PST

I am not a monkey.

I am not a monkey.

I am not a monkey.

I am not a monkey.

I am not a monkey.

*sigh*

I am a code monkey. An oppressed and depressed tool ... or was that fool? Here I sit, spending too much quality time with those who care not - and thus have less time for those who do.

Ugh - I'm not truly depressed, rather tired and grumpy and feeling unappreciated (from certain quarters).

Here's something that fell out of my brain today while chatting. Don't worry, it's nothing to do with how I really feel - I wouldn't want you to think I was pathetic or idiotic! ;) It's merely something that came out and I thought sounded sorta poetic.

i try to help, but always seem to end up hurting. The best thing would be to stop trying, but i cannot not try ... for you.

Of course, that's total bull in the situation I was using it (and pretty much any situation, in my view). There are far more positive solutions, just this one was wonderfully melodramatic. Reality doesn't always make for the best art, you know. What's that? You're telling me the saying goes "Truth is beauty, beauty truth"? Ah, but if that's the case, why is there such a correlation between artists (painters, poets, actors, etc) and drugs?

Bahahaha!

I'm such a nutcase. Making sense is for everybody else; me, I'll just continue to question my sanity. In fact, I'm playing "good cop, bad cop" with it right now!

This is the way the blog ends,
This is the way the blog ends,
This is the way the blog ends,
Not with a bang....

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February 25, 2004 11:51 PM PST

Today's episode: a captured discourse on the subject of proper stylistic blog composition.

that's not my datsun says:
i miss being a second-tier blogger

JamesPark says:
i'm not even and 80th tier

that's not my datsun says:
i could be doing better, but my life just isn't interesting right now, and though that was never a requrement, i'm always too tired these days to make the banal entertaining.

JamesPark says:
i am #1 when googling for "cheezy blog"

that's not my datsun says:
yay!

JamesPark says:
not that that's really saying anything
esp. when google chides "did you mean 'cheesy'?"

JamesPark says:
yeah - i know what you mean.
for me, it's mostly "oh shit i haven't blogged in x weeks!!" .. not truly interesting stuff

that's not my datsun says:
nobody's life is all that interesting, the secret is making it sound interesting.

JamesPark says:
well yes, but 11:30pm after a long day and before a long day is not the time to really try and make that previous long (boring) day sound good!
heh - maybe i should put that in my blog for today!

that's not my datsun says:
"the sun has long since set, and here i am still at work. the carpet mocks me, the hard drive echos off the walls reminding me that dedication means something to me, even if its effect is lacking on those i'm dedicated to..."

JamesPark says:
sure, but after a long day, i don't *want* to try and be creative ... remember (damn coffee-slinger), that programming is an art, and requires lots of creativity!

that's not my datsun says:
yeah, it is.
so does a perfect cappucino, which is why most are imperfect.

JamesPark says:
"...the halls are empty now. The low hum of a hundred unattended workstations, their attendants long gone home, is the only sound beyond that of my own typing..."

that's not my datsun says:
the keyboard is impossibly grey, an artifact of flourescent lighting, i wonder sometimes if i'm but an artifact too. no, i know better lighting, the darkness of an intimate bedroom, the crazy spectrum of the desert floor at noon, the fog on quieter february mornings of years gone by.

JamesPark says:
lol - i should ... strike that - i AM going to post this as my entry for today!

that's not my datsun says:
toss in "pale echo of a neon nightspot, all of the cost but with little of the reward"

that's not my datsun says:
and do some play on ballast, balanced and bellicose

JamesPark says:
lol - getting more complicated!

that's not my datsun says:
nah, nobody will know what it means, so you don't even have to use it in context

that's not my datsun says:
and add "were i half as smart and twice as well connected, i'd be home over dinner right now, a silver car in my own driveway rather than a grey one in the parking lot alone"

JamesPark says:
ha!

that's not my datsun says:
"the pixels mock me until i tell them what to do."

JamesPark says:
"then they refuse, and mock me some more"

that's not my datsun says:
then quote an inxs song and ruminate on half a dozen places you'd rather be, none of them great but all of them better

that's not my datsun says:
and finish with "they tell me i'm clever, and pay me enough that sometimes i start to believe it too"

that's not my datsun says:
that's reverse self-deprication, implies ego and humility at the same time.

JamesPark says:
okay, and so all I need is a good ending - one last rejoinder which will tie everything up nicely

[significant silence]

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Happy 2 year anniversary at PWRM (work) to me. Still here, against all odds.

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February 23, 2004 02:56 PM PST

Flashback to January - long hours during the week, in on the weekends. Ugh. At least it will not be for too long. I have about 2 weeks of this, and then probably time for a little relaxation ... or paranoia. I regret to say that I cannot yet here (widely) divulge the nugget behind this rather cryptic remark, but rest assured that I am not extremely happy at this moment (or any moment since Friday). Feelings of relief, disappointment, pensiveness.

My free (non-work) time this weekend was spent surrounded by friends. The hugs felt sooo good!

Every once in a while I experience great wonder at the world in which I live. Most of the time, it's when I look up or out and notice all the things that are out there (man-made, and natural). I see vast cities and mountains and forests, and it all seems so damned amazing. Times like that, I just want to jump in my car (or, more often than not, I'm already driving) and take off for ... anywhere. It's been a long time since I've had a good adventure, where I don't really know exactly where I'm going, or where I'll end up.

Steve just went driving one day and ended up in Alberta. Sometimes I feel like doing something like that, but I never have. Always some sort of responsibility in the way - work, school, appointments. Freedom, in this day and age, is the ability to cast off the accoutrements of modern society and/or successfully shirk responsibility and spend some time just experiencing things.

Now that I think about it, I and people I know spend quite a bit of time doing just that, but I still kind of want to drive off into the wild blue yonder for a while. I think I would need an accomplice, though; I don't thrive so well in the absence of companionship.

Random meanderings on a Monday afternoon. Somehow, I don't feel the weight of my responsibilities too heavily today. I do, however, feel a lot of love for my people. All that's missing is my damned passion - what and where are you?

To borrow an idea from someone else's blog, today I want to squeeze *everyone* i know all at once.

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February 18, 2004 01:12 PM PST

Ugh... nothing like getting a cold AND needing to work 10-15 hours a day! The next few weeks are beginning to look a little grim. At least I'm not completely alone in this. I have been hearing reports from friends that they, too, are in a similar boat. Well, nice as it may be to have company (am I misery?), sitting here at work, sniffling, and rubbing my poor sore nose while desperately trying to get work done, is not really my cup of tea.

Oh, you don't believe I'm trying to get work done? What gave it away - the fact that I'm writing to my blog instead of plugging away at whatever archane computerology keeps me employed? Well, as it happens I'm just taking a little break and realized that I haven't been keeping very up-to-date with my blog lately. I have pictures to post and activities to chronicle, but I'm pretty damned exhausted right now.

Three out of 4 people in the office I share have got the same cold. The fourth sneezed once this morning, but swears he is not catching what the rest of us have. Well, I wish him luck in that.

The damned cold has wrecked my plans to go to Seattle this weekend. I was hoping to see my BRC friends, and go to a cool party in the San Juan islands, but instead I will be alternately at home sniffling sorrowfully to myself, and at work endeavouring to accomplish the least little thing.

Bah! I am unimpressed!

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February 09, 2004 11:57 AM PST
If anyone didn't get outside and enjoy the sunshine this past weekend, you should be shot! The sun was out, the air was brisk, but not cold. The colours were sharp - reds, blues, and greens (examples shown). Luckily I had my trusty camera along to try and capture the day's essence. Check out the green lawns of the legislature!


Sunday's stroll downtown for coffee ended up as a two-hour ramble and chat session. As it turns out, when you go outside, Victoria remains a terribly small place. Well, not terrible - but small indeed. On our journey, we encountered 5 groups of people we knew. There were a few sets of party friends, a group from work, and the local 'zza shop owner (yeah, he knows us pretty well).


Aside from the sun and the people, the outting included was coffee, sandwiches, and drugs (prescription, of course!). In the interests of brevity, I have decided not to post the 6 pictures I took of each of those items... lol - I actually managed not to take *any* pictures of the food! Amazing, huh? Superhuman effort - don't expect me actually to change!

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February 02, 2004 11:53 AM PST
What a great weekend! It's so nice to have something great and positive to post here. Enthusiasm is something that has been lacking for some time, I've noticed. The weekend included a good balance between visitation, relaxation, and productivity. Now I only wish that I had a couple more days like that before going back to work. Oh well.

I used to play a game when I was young which we dubbed "fortunately/unfortunately". I don't know if many other people have played the game - the few times I've explained it to friends, I generally receive blank stares in response. The premise is that it is a story told in alternating lines by two people. Each line must start with "Fortunately, ..." or "Unfortunately, ..." in alternation. I will now demonstrate the game on the subject of next weekend.


Who da man?
Unfortunately(?), next weekend may not allow for the same balance as the one just past. Fortunately, the scales tip in favour of fun. Unfortunately, I have to get some actual work done. Fortunately, I can probably devote a fair bit time on Saturday, but I'm looking forward to a great Sketchy Sunday after Saturday night's "shhhh, I can't tell you" festivities. Unfortunately, Saturday tends to be a sleep-in day, with many small tasks and errands to do which don't blend well with the idea of focussed working all day.

...

Okay, now I'm tired of that game. It was so much better (a.) with two people, and (b.) when I was 8.

More hair pics and some other cool stuff in the latest gallery.

Here's to a good week ahead. Oh, and happy birthday, dad! =)

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